Post by Anvil Chucker on May 24, 2013 9:39:53 GMT -5
Denver (ROOTY TOOTERS) - In a year when the Yankees have doubled the price of their Long Island Iced Tea and the Boston Red Sox have slapped a "just because" tax on Boston Baked Beans, the Colorado Rockies have reached the pinnacle of customer satisfaction when it comes to concession - keeping the same prices for the third straight year.
Marsupial Jones, Rockies VP of Food and Cleats, held court with the media yesterday as he discussed this pressing issue.
"This has always been a food-centric game. 'Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack', you know? Is there anything really more American than a hot dog at a baseball game? And I don't mean those crappy soy dogs that you get in Seattle. I'm talking about plump, juicy hot dogs with beef, pork, chicken and parts unknown. PARTS UNKNOWN! We want our customers - our friends, really - to be able to afford to fill their bellies at the game. Whether's it's an adult chomping on the foot long Kosmo dog (actually 14 inches) or a toddler with a 3 inch Hepner teenie weenie, we want Denverians to be able to feed their face at a Rockies game."
"Mmmrghmrghrh," exclaimed Red Sox GM Brian MacFarland as he attempted to discuss the issue while simulantaneously employing the Solomon method to eat a brat. "Hey, I love the fact that you can get brats and dogs for half the price in Denver than you can most other place. I'm in complete agreement with Marsupial about Seattle. Soy dogs and sushi dogs on the menu? That's downright communist."
Others weren't quite as sure. "Called me old fashioned," whined Bangor GM Dustin Smiley, "but I want my Boca dog. Not to mention the paltry selection of bottled water. I don't see Tasmanian Rainwater or Aquadeco anywhere on the list. I just checked again - nope, can't get those at Coors Field. I spit upon your concession stand!"
Marsupial Jones, Rockies VP of Food and Cleats, held court with the media yesterday as he discussed this pressing issue.
"This has always been a food-centric game. 'Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack', you know? Is there anything really more American than a hot dog at a baseball game? And I don't mean those crappy soy dogs that you get in Seattle. I'm talking about plump, juicy hot dogs with beef, pork, chicken and parts unknown. PARTS UNKNOWN! We want our customers - our friends, really - to be able to afford to fill their bellies at the game. Whether's it's an adult chomping on the foot long Kosmo dog (actually 14 inches) or a toddler with a 3 inch Hepner teenie weenie, we want Denverians to be able to feed their face at a Rockies game."
"Mmmrghmrghrh," exclaimed Red Sox GM Brian MacFarland as he attempted to discuss the issue while simulantaneously employing the Solomon method to eat a brat. "Hey, I love the fact that you can get brats and dogs for half the price in Denver than you can most other place. I'm in complete agreement with Marsupial about Seattle. Soy dogs and sushi dogs on the menu? That's downright communist."
Others weren't quite as sure. "Called me old fashioned," whined Bangor GM Dustin Smiley, "but I want my Boca dog. Not to mention the paltry selection of bottled water. I don't see Tasmanian Rainwater or Aquadeco anywhere on the list. I just checked again - nope, can't get those at Coors Field. I spit upon your concession stand!"